my little cousins having a hard time at school (shes 8), and we were trying to make her see how badly her friend was treating her, and her mum was telling her to be assertive and being quite firm with her because she wouldnt listen, and kept trying to make excuses for her. after they had gone my mum was all ‘i dont like it that shes so firm with her, shes going through a hard time you have to be gentle with her and shell get there in the end’.
so now im like what the fuck? i get yelled at and told im childish, immature and stupid for being upset. i get treated like a piece of shit on her shoe and now all of a sudden shes being nice about things, and acting like she would do the same? im so angry with her. she thinks shes this perfect mum when in reality shes a horrible, horrible person. she told me everything was my fault and im the reason the family is unhappy, BUT NAW shes all for the gentle approach. she told me i was scum, hit me and told me i was nothing to her, but apparently thats not the way to go about it. im mad at myself because im letting it get to me so much. ive sat in my room crying because i just want to fucking kill her. and it hurts because she doesnt think shes doing anything wrong and im so frustrated and i want to scream and punch myself in the face and its so difficult not to because i havent felt this angry in months and i havent been taught how to deal with it, and my dads on a business trip so i cant go and sit with him.
she makes fun of me being in therapy, she says shes sick of me if i try and tell her shes upsetting me, she says i ruin all her ‘happy days’. and its so weird to beleive that this actually goes on, because shes manipulative and fools everybody so well. and the most upsetting thing is that nobody else would believe it if i told them about it or asked for help, because she just plays the victim and starts crying. so then i feel bad. so im just left sitting here like THIS IS MY FUCKING LIFE. THIS IS ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENING TO ME AND THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
ive completely lost the will to try and make this better. as far as im concerned i dont have a mother, and as heartbreaking as that should feel to admit, i really dont care about it.
